Posture Equals Power: The Genesis of the Alpha Female

The Alpha Female Under Construction in NYC
July 2015

The Genesis of The Alpha Female 

Many moons ago, I was working in Soho in NYC and I would often spend hours walking the streets looking for a sign, looking for the hidden messages the universe had for me on the magical streets of New York City, my home, my bubble. New York is dirty and unpredictable but so is life. I was struggling with my personal traumas, anxiety and uncertainties but the underground world of street art made me believe in magic again, made me believe in myself. I searched for answers in the nooks and crannies of Soho, Nolita, the Lower East Side, and particularly Crosby and Prince Streets. 

I included the photo above as the header for this post because of the sheer irony. My whole life was under construction when I experienced this moment. The #BEsomething movement was one of my favorite social experiments to follow and participate in. I started carrying around a Sharpie after this day after I had to borrow one from a dude tagging up the wall next to me. I can still feel the rush of adrenaline and my shaky hands as I rushed to make my mark on the shiny sticker. There I was on Prince Street in broad daylight, VANDALIZING. I felt brand new, I hadn't tagged anything since the girls bathroom in middle school in 1994. But there I was, asserting myself, my existence, doing what an Alpha would do. 

Traditionally, we use the term Alpha to refer to a male. I despise being labeled a female, but I use the term here simply as the opposite of male. Currently, we are experiencing a wave in society of superficial acceptance and unity. Terms like inclusion and diversity are used not to create true awareness of the self but to sell STUFF. Stuff to make you feel like you're woke or tolerant or whatever you feel your view on life and other humans is. But no matter how many hashtags, benefit concerts, or tearjerker I'm a do-gooder Ellen appearances out there, we are more divided than ever. When I started to coach myself on how to live my life in a more fulfilling, meaningful way, I expressed my desire to be better, do better, and I needed the language to do so. I found myself using words like goddess at the same time as boss bitch, bad bitch, a baddie. But, as I continued to build my brand new world that celebrated ME and all aspects of ME, those terms just didn't fit. 

The Alpha Female for me represents a woman who sets an intention in her life and realizes it. She is not aggressive for the sake of, but her walk, posture, and language signifies to the world outside that she is in full control. If you are walking in her lane you should probably adjust your course cause she's not going to. She has a purpose in life and she boldly works her way toward the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow life created just for her. She faces life with a smile full of love and warmth for those who surround her, hoping the world smiles back, confident she will have a smile for herself in the mirror at the end of the day regardless.

 The Alpha Female is a leader, the head of the pack of women who run with wolves, fearless and courageous. She is a mother, even without birthing her own children, she is truly LIFE. She lifts up those around her, living by the motto:  You are better than no one, no one is better than you. If you are up look down from above, help the weak if you are strong, this life on earth is all about love, loving one another and most importantly YOUR Self. 

The Alpha Female claims her power because she has to, because no one will just hand her autonomy, she has to put on her red lipstick and stand tall, because posture equals power. 

When I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with a slight curvature of the spine, SCOLIOSIS. It went untreated for years and eventually developed into a full blown S-curve. We hold a lot of stress and in the shoulders, and emotional pain in particular tends to take root in the spine. I still recall the day I realized how twisted my body was. How I appeared to only have one hip and I stumbled frequently when I walked. I decided to go see a physical therapist and neurologist because I was working at a hospital and I had bomb ass health insurance and I could do frivolous things like that at 22 years old with a $35,000 a year salary. I also lavished myself with regular visits to the dentist, the gyno, and even the dermatologist for my raging acne. Fast forward to 38 years old and this new, great, 'Merica we live in, where heads seriously consider marrying for health insurance or maybe just a trip to the dentist cause its been 15 years since you went. Forget a green card I need a benefit card, who needs a mail order bride?? I GOT U.S citizenship. Shoooo... note: this blog will be DRIPPING with sarcasm, dramatic irony, digressions, run on sentences and outlandish claims i have no actual basis for, it's just how i feel. And i am CERTAIN others will relate. If you don't then break north to another blog, I'm trying to elevate here. 

before blogs.. my nothing book 1993

After accepting that my back was twisted and that there is no cure for scoliosis besides lots of yoga which I'm too lazy to commit to, I had to change how I looked at myself in the mirror. I decided that the only thing I could commit to every single day was to mind my posture and stand as tall as i could everyday. The exercise actually worked and I no longer had to posture that I had good posture.. (i love puns tooooo..... twirls moustache maniacally). I encourage you to do this immediately. Think about how you hold yourself, carry yourself, and how that can impress or repel the general public.

I do not as a rule trust anyone who slouches, slumps, or has a weak handshake. I have an acute ability to read body language, and sometimes its just a burden. I size up a person by posture, cleanliness (your teeth!), and eye contact. Logos, brand names, jewelry, etc accoutrements- mean nothing to me. I learned long ago conspicuous consumption is low level bourgeois, and I left that level of society behind back in 2004.

Once I accepted what i saw in the mirror, i still did not accept how others might see me and be disgusted by my twisted frame. I vowed to never wear tight clothing or open backed clothing and just hide my condition. As a rule, however, life is like a river and there is a constant ebb and flow that brings inevitable change. One day i chose to show myself as i was and if people didn't like it they didn't have to look but i was gonna rock my scoliosis and my flat chest and still be fly. I decided to walk around like I owned the place and adopted the fake it til you make it motto. I knew i had to see myself as beautiful first, not rely on the outside male gaze or the terrifying full body scan of another female. Besides, those catsuits won't wear themselves...

In conclusion, loving yourself and strutting your stuff like a peacock will give you new life. Just do it. Even if it means flaming on all lames in your vicinity. They can catch up, but you won't wait.

 I posted this photo on instagram, it was my first time posing semi-nude for a public post. It was significant because I wasn't trying to pose as perfect, i just wanted to show the world that i have scoliosis and i can still feel gorgeous and show my body with confidence. I must say though, I'm super glad i started my self love journey BEFORE the crippling anxiety stemming from likes, followers, and retweets. And i admit i posted this at 4am when i figured no one would see it and if they did fuck it. 

self-love in the sun Florida 2016

Posture equals Power- unbothered by my S-curve looking like a snack outside Radio City Music Hall 2016