Nas Let ME Down: One Fan Lost
If you had asked me 9 months ago who my favorite (still living) G.O.A.T of rap was, it would have been Nas. Nasty Nas, the illest lyricist and storyteller to rock One Mic. Nasir Jones, who I aspired to name my first born son after. I placed his photo on my refrigerator after I became pregnant, hoping the baby inside of me was a boy and I would get to honor my favorite rapper, have a little piece of him forever, Nas.
Nas and I have a history that dates back to 1996. The album It Was Written was the first full length rap album I ever bought. The moment I stepped out of The Wiz, NOBODY beats The Wiz!!, which was under the 4 train on Fordham Road in the Bronx, I pulled the cassette tape out of the bag and unwrapped it. I can still hear the crinkle of the cellophane, how the album liner smelled fresh out of the box. I stretched the booklet out marveling at the art work and lyrics printed inside. I was so excited to jam it into my Walkman and press play. It was one of the sweetest, most indelible moments of my life.
Fast forward to 14 years later and yet another unforgettable episode of my life that starred Nas at The House of Blues in Orlando, Florida. My daughter was born Sunday June 6th, 2010, it was a natural birth that required stitches. Weeks prior, I had been gifted V.I.P tickets for The Distant Relatives Tour by a very generous client of mine at the spa where I worked, what a tip! The show was slated for JUNE 13th, precisely SEVEN days later. There was NO WAY i was not going. I always fantasized about meeting Nas and telling him the story, so he would know what a gangster fan I was, that I almost ripped my stitches rushing to use the bathroom during the show. For years afterward I would bring up that story, so heads would know what a die hard fan I was of Nas. I was adamnant that we cross paths at some point so I could share the story with him and see his face react. I loved to shock people by bragging about how I left my one week old baby behind to go see him perform. The show was wild lit and totally worth it.
During the show Nas seemed O.D melancholy and in between songs shared with the crowd how heartbroken he was about his recent split from Kelis. They officially divorced May 29th, 2010 and he was a hot mess, dragging his feet across the stage, sharing his heartbreak with us. I had always been a fan of Kelis, but my loyalty was with Nas, and although I don't recall his exact words, I somehow formed the conclusion that Kelis was to blame. That very night I put her on my shit list, how DARE she cause him this much pain, leave him such a wreck. And besides, what kind of a crazy person leaves their partner while 7 months pregnant. Nas had the crowd LITERALLY cheering for him and booing Kelis, I'm pretty sure I yelled out FUCK THAT BITCH! We love you Nas!!! We ate it ALL UP. Let's fast forward AGAIN, to late April 2018, when Kelis decided she wasn't going to let him skate no more.
You had my heart and my TRUST for decades Nas, but you lost me.
The album cover of Life is Good, released July 2012, shows him forlornly holding Kelis' wedding dress, and includes the pernicious track Bye Baby. I never really liked the song but I cosigned every line, and patiently indulged his habit of closing out every show I attended with the track. It seemed a bit odd that he favored that lame track as a show closer, but I figured he was just being literal, like the show is over, BYE. Still, my spidey sense had me wondering why he insisted on low key sweating Kelis by performing the song so often so many years after the split. I tend to turn a blind eye when I love, and I loved Nas hard.
I respected him as one of the pillars of hip hop, beamed like a proud mama at all his accomplishments, particularly when Harvard University announced the Nasir Jones Fellowship in 2013. I was so so proud. It nagged at me though, how could he possibly be a prominent part of his son's life with all the touring and travelling he does, it seemed a shame to me that someone who helped raise me was not actively involved in nurturing his own son. Instead of praising Kelis for holding Knight down as a single mom, I judged her. I again jumped to bogus conclusions about her. I accused her of keeping Knight from him, I thought to myself, I bet she makes life real hard for Nas, don't even let him see his son cause she's always in Europe, and WHO in the world needs $20,000 A MONTH for child support. I thought, she gold digging and she buggin. THEN when she showed up at Afropunk super pregnant so soon after the split i was like whuuuuuhhh? side eye, HO. I was buggin.
In hindsight, the media has always taken Nas' side, and Kelis never spoke up, so I willingly accepted the skewed representation of their trials and tribulations. That is, until April 26, 2018, when I sat on my bed and listened to Kelis blow. Nasir. the FUCK. UP.
I watched the video from beginning to end, I wanted to hear the story in her words, word. for. word. Cause I knew she'd be misquoted and vilified even further later on that day when the story blew up and the internet started reacting and commenting. It being such a long interview I was sure no one would watch the whole thing and she would be further misrepresented by all the raggedy media outlets having a field day with click bait and sound bytes. She woke up that morning and decided that after 9 years, she would no longer edit herself. But I knew allegations this severe would lead to much over hyped commentary that had nothing to do with her actual words, or they would just cut and paste to make her look like a liar, cause Nas is such an infallible god in the rap world. Including one of my own, I actually nicknamed him Baesus, a mix of Bae and Jesus cause I dead ass held him up on my icons of hip hop altar as God's gift, I fervently accepted his self proclaimed title of God's Son.
I held my breath as I clicked on the link, shocked and appalled at the accusations. The halo I had placed on Godson head flickered and burned out. I didn't want to believe her, but as the interview went on, I saw myself sadly reflected in her story. The language, tone, and words she used are absolutely, one thousand percent those of a woman who has been severely emotionally abused and is fuck.ing. OVER it. Even in her moment of truth, she diffused the blame by pointing out that she would put hands on him too, even stating her height of 5'10 and that she know how to fight. It's a classic symptom of domestic violence, she should have shit on him harder.
That very day I folded up all the Nas t shirts I had lovingly collected over the years and shoved them to the bottom of a drawer. There was no way I was going to represent or support an abuser, I don't care how illmatic you are, you are cancelled.
"I know you think my life is good cause my diamond piece/
But my life been good since I started finding peace"
Loco-Motive, Life is Good 2012
I really believed him when he said that. It sounded so inspirational and I was so glad that he had come to terms with all the heartbreak and gifted us this insightful, revealing and beautifully crafted album. I hailed it as a new classic, again, I was so proud.
HOWever-
Lots of rappers lie about shit they don't have.
You lied to me Nas, you lied to all of us. Looking all sad and pathetic at House of Blues, demonizing your wife, making us all want to swaddle you like a baby and protect you. I had no idea that was just classic Narcissistic abuser behavior, they are champs at gaslighting and eschewing accountability. Then, years later with Life is Good, you seemed so calm and accepting of how the relationship ended, and I felt so privileged to peek into his private anecdotes of his past rides with Kelis. After hearing her story however, there is no way that a man who is at peace with himself would be able to inflict such pain.
But now we all know that YOU the fuckin liar.
Bye Baby.
Nas and I have a history that dates back to 1996. The album It Was Written was the first full length rap album I ever bought. The moment I stepped out of The Wiz, NOBODY beats The Wiz!!, which was under the 4 train on Fordham Road in the Bronx, I pulled the cassette tape out of the bag and unwrapped it. I can still hear the crinkle of the cellophane, how the album liner smelled fresh out of the box. I stretched the booklet out marveling at the art work and lyrics printed inside. I was so excited to jam it into my Walkman and press play. It was one of the sweetest, most indelible moments of my life.
 |
| R.I.P The Wiz circa 2003 |
 |
| Nas, Orlando House of Blues June 13, 2010 |
During the show Nas seemed O.D melancholy and in between songs shared with the crowd how heartbroken he was about his recent split from Kelis. They officially divorced May 29th, 2010 and he was a hot mess, dragging his feet across the stage, sharing his heartbreak with us. I had always been a fan of Kelis, but my loyalty was with Nas, and although I don't recall his exact words, I somehow formed the conclusion that Kelis was to blame. That very night I put her on my shit list, how DARE she cause him this much pain, leave him such a wreck. And besides, what kind of a crazy person leaves their partner while 7 months pregnant. Nas had the crowd LITERALLY cheering for him and booing Kelis, I'm pretty sure I yelled out FUCK THAT BITCH! We love you Nas!!! We ate it ALL UP. Let's fast forward AGAIN, to late April 2018, when Kelis decided she wasn't going to let him skate no more.
You had my heart and my TRUST for decades Nas, but you lost me.
The album cover of Life is Good, released July 2012, shows him forlornly holding Kelis' wedding dress, and includes the pernicious track Bye Baby. I never really liked the song but I cosigned every line, and patiently indulged his habit of closing out every show I attended with the track. It seemed a bit odd that he favored that lame track as a show closer, but I figured he was just being literal, like the show is over, BYE. Still, my spidey sense had me wondering why he insisted on low key sweating Kelis by performing the song so often so many years after the split. I tend to turn a blind eye when I love, and I loved Nas hard.
I respected him as one of the pillars of hip hop, beamed like a proud mama at all his accomplishments, particularly when Harvard University announced the Nasir Jones Fellowship in 2013. I was so so proud. It nagged at me though, how could he possibly be a prominent part of his son's life with all the touring and travelling he does, it seemed a shame to me that someone who helped raise me was not actively involved in nurturing his own son. Instead of praising Kelis for holding Knight down as a single mom, I judged her. I again jumped to bogus conclusions about her. I accused her of keeping Knight from him, I thought to myself, I bet she makes life real hard for Nas, don't even let him see his son cause she's always in Europe, and WHO in the world needs $20,000 A MONTH for child support. I thought, she gold digging and she buggin. THEN when she showed up at Afropunk super pregnant so soon after the split i was like whuuuuuhhh? side eye, HO. I was buggin.
In hindsight, the media has always taken Nas' side, and Kelis never spoke up, so I willingly accepted the skewed representation of their trials and tribulations. That is, until April 26, 2018, when I sat on my bed and listened to Kelis blow. Nasir. the FUCK. UP.
 |
| Kelis, April 2018, interview with Jason Lee of Hollywood Unlocked |
I watched the video from beginning to end, I wanted to hear the story in her words, word. for. word. Cause I knew she'd be misquoted and vilified even further later on that day when the story blew up and the internet started reacting and commenting. It being such a long interview I was sure no one would watch the whole thing and she would be further misrepresented by all the raggedy media outlets having a field day with click bait and sound bytes. She woke up that morning and decided that after 9 years, she would no longer edit herself. But I knew allegations this severe would lead to much over hyped commentary that had nothing to do with her actual words, or they would just cut and paste to make her look like a liar, cause Nas is such an infallible god in the rap world. Including one of my own, I actually nicknamed him Baesus, a mix of Bae and Jesus cause I dead ass held him up on my icons of hip hop altar as God's gift, I fervently accepted his self proclaimed title of God's Son.
I held my breath as I clicked on the link, shocked and appalled at the accusations. The halo I had placed on Godson head flickered and burned out. I didn't want to believe her, but as the interview went on, I saw myself sadly reflected in her story. The language, tone, and words she used are absolutely, one thousand percent those of a woman who has been severely emotionally abused and is fuck.ing. OVER it. Even in her moment of truth, she diffused the blame by pointing out that she would put hands on him too, even stating her height of 5'10 and that she know how to fight. It's a classic symptom of domestic violence, she should have shit on him harder.
That very day I folded up all the Nas t shirts I had lovingly collected over the years and shoved them to the bottom of a drawer. There was no way I was going to represent or support an abuser, I don't care how illmatic you are, you are cancelled.
 |
| Foxwoods Casino, CT June 26, 2015 I drove 125 miles for that show, I was DEDICATED. |
"I know you think my life is good cause my diamond piece/
But my life been good since I started finding peace"
Loco-Motive, Life is Good 2012
I really believed him when he said that. It sounded so inspirational and I was so glad that he had come to terms with all the heartbreak and gifted us this insightful, revealing and beautifully crafted album. I hailed it as a new classic, again, I was so proud.
HOWever-
Lots of rappers lie about shit they don't have.
You lied to me Nas, you lied to all of us. Looking all sad and pathetic at House of Blues, demonizing your wife, making us all want to swaddle you like a baby and protect you. I had no idea that was just classic Narcissistic abuser behavior, they are champs at gaslighting and eschewing accountability. Then, years later with Life is Good, you seemed so calm and accepting of how the relationship ended, and I felt so privileged to peek into his private anecdotes of his past rides with Kelis. After hearing her story however, there is no way that a man who is at peace with himself would be able to inflict such pain.
But now we all know that YOU the fuckin liar.
Bye Baby.
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